


Hope

by Deenerann



Series: Fleabag Snippets [1]
Category: Fleabag (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 11:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deenerann/pseuds/Deenerann
Summary: What happens after Fleabag walks home from that awfulness at the bus stop?





	Hope

I walk home clutching the headless sculpture of my mom while struggling to keep my heart from shattering into a million pieces.

It’s a very long and very agonizing walk.

By the time I make it back to my flat, I’ve nearly hit my breaking point. I’ve worn a blister into my heel and it’s weeping almost as hard as my soul.

Who knew heartbreak would make me so fucking poetic?

In that crazy wedding speech, he said finding someone to love feels a lot like hope. Well, he was clearly wrong about that because this feels nothing like hope. Quite the opposite, actually.

Collapsing on the couch, I stare at the sculpture and run my thumb over the cool metal. “I bet you’d know what to do, wouldn’t you? Damn, I could really use your advice right now.”

There’s a light knock on my door and I freeze, staring at it. Could it be? There’s zero chance, but my stupid, hopeless heart still thumps hard against my ribs. I want it to be him so badly I can feel it radiating out of my skin.

Setting the sculpture down, I leap off the couch and run to the hall. I take a deep breath and pull open the door.

Claire stands on my stoop, looking exhausted. Her new haircut is standing up in crazy spikes and her dress is wet. She’s a mess.

I’m devastated it’s not him, but I’m so glad Claire is here and not some random guy hoping for another hookup. That’s the absolute last thing I want. Even the promise of nine orgasms isn’t remotely appealing right now. I’m not sure it ever will be again.

Sighing, I open the door wider. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be running through an airport? And, what the hell happened to you?” 

“That’s a long story. Besides, I told you the only person I’d run through an airport for is you. Can I stay here tonight? God knows I can’t go back home.”

“Of course you can.”

Claire walks inside and looks around. “I figured your priest would be here, so I wasn’t sure if I should come.”

“It’s okay. You just missed him by a night,” I joke, then burst into tears.

Damn.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

I don’t want to cry. Especially not in front of Claire. I don’t think she’s ever seen me cry.

Clearly not. She looks absolutely horrified.

“What are you doing?” Her mouth is hanging open so far it appears unhinged.

I cover my face with my hands. “Shut up,” I mutter through my fingers.

“Holy shit, what’s happened?”

She grabs my arm and pulls me to the couch, pushing on my shoulders until I collapse in an ungraceful heap on the cushions.

“It’s over. Between us.”

“Well, he is a priest….” Claire’s voice trails off. “Hang on. Did you say he was here last night?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“That’s why he didn’t get much sleep before the wedding?”

“Neither of us did.”

“Oh my god. You made a priest break his vow of celibacy? Good lord, you are my hero.”

“I love him.” I peek at Claire through my fingers, wanting to gauge her reaction. She reels back like I’ve punched her.

“Sorry. What?”

“I love him,” I repeat. 

She stares at me, blinking. “Oh. Well, that complicates things a bit.”

“Want to know what’s even worse?”

“I’m not sure what could be, but go ahead.”

“He loves me, too.”

“How do you know?” 

“He told me so. Right after he said he was choosing God.”

Claire watches me, her gaze assessing. “So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? He’s asked me not to come by the church anymore. Considering we almost defiled a confessional the other night, that’s probably wise.” I pause and stare blindly into the living room. “I’m never going to see him again and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I already miss him.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s lying about loving you. I saw how he looked at you at the wedding. That speech was clearly about you.”

“I think it was about God, actually.”

Claire studies me. “Hmm. Maybe it was a bit of both.”

“We snogged in Dad’s garden before the service. It was—unexpected. If I’d known it would be the last time, I might have handled it differently. Appreciated it more.” My voice breaks on a sob.

Claire grabs my hands and squeezes. “You’ll get through this. God knows you’ve been through worse. Maybe you don’t have the healthiest way of coping with things, but you’ll survive.”

“I’m not doing that anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“All the men. Trying to suppress my feelings. I’m so scared of forgetting. I don’t want to forget Mom or Boo, but especially not him. I don’t want to forget a single thing about him. No matter how much it hurts.” The tears are still coming and I can’t seem to stop them.

Claire leans over to hug me and for once I don’t try to avoid it. I need to be held by someone, and besides him, my sister is the only other person who might make things marginally better.

I rest my head on her shoulder for a moment and try to pull myself together. Sniffing, I sit back and look at her.

“You never told me why you’re such a mess,” I say, smiling and wiping my eyes. “Why aren’t you in Finland?”

She makes a face. “Martin and Jake came to the airport.”

“Oh, God. How’d that go?”

“Not well.”

“What happened?”

“I found Klare before he got through security. To say he was surprised would be an understatement, but he was happy to see me. We talked for a bit outside and then Martin and Jake showed up. They must have followed me from the wedding.”

“I didn’t see them leave.”

“Well, I imagine you only had eyes for your priest.” She winces. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. It’s the truth.” I sigh. “That doesn’t explain why you look like this.”

“Martin took a swing at Klare and there was a fight. Jake tried to push me out of the way and I got tangled up in his bassoon case. I wound up falling into a fountain.”

I snort and cover my mouth. “Oh my god. What happened next?”

“Martin nearly got arrested, but I convinced Klare not to press charges.”

I scowl. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because, I told Martin we’d stop that from happening only if he dropped his case against you. Didn’t take much convincing. You don’t need a lawyer anymore. He’s not pursuing it.”

I sit back. “Oh. Wow. Thank you.” Shaking my head, I laugh. “It would almost be worth it just to see him locked up.”

“I considered it, but then my loyalty to you got in the way.”

“Well, thanks. I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of seeing the lawyer again. Especially not right now.”

“Oh, God, you slept with him, didn’t you?”

“Yes. But that was before—well, that was before everything. I’d just nearly fucked a priest in a church and he sent me away like I was some kind of Jezebel. I needed to get my mind off him. Seemed the best bet.”

“Did it work?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

“Surprisingly?”

“He’s really good at it. The lawyer, I mean. Well, the priest is, too. That is, they both are, but….” I stop talking, embarrassed. “Never mind.”

Claire snorts. “You’ve got yourself in quite a mess, haven’t you?”

“I really have. This is the worst thing ever. I’m in love with a priest, for fuck’s sake!”

Claire squeezes my hand again. “Maybe he’ll come around.”

“Not holding my breath on that one.” 

“Wait. Did you steal the statue again?” Claire asks, glancing at my floor.

Following her gaze, I nod. “Yes. I’m keeping it this time.”

“She’s going to kill you.”

“Probably, but after I gave it back today, she told me it was based it on Mom. There was no way I’d let her keep it after that.”

Claire sucks in a breath. “That’s Mom?”

“Apparently.”

“God. Mom had great tits.”

“She really did,” I agree, laughing.

Claire puts her arm around my shoulder and squeezes—two disheveled sisters sitting in a darkened living room, examining our dead mother’s likeness cast in bronze.

God, my life is complicated.

Maybe I’ll survive it without him.

I can always hope.


End file.
